🔗 Share this article

Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has long been the reliable retreat for daily publications, and writers stay alert of notable bog-related stories and key events, notably connected to soccer. What a delight it was to discover that an online journalist Adrian Chiles has a West Brom-themed urinal within his residence. Consider the situation about the Tykes follower who took the rest room rather too directly, and needed rescuing from an empty Oakwell stadium following dozing off in the toilet during halftime of a 2015 loss by Fleetwood. “He was barefoot and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And nobody can overlook during his peak popularity at Manchester City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college for toilet purposes back in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then came in and was asking where the toilets were, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” an undergraduate shared with a Manchester newspaper. “Subsequently he wandered through the school acting like the owner.”

The Restroom Quitting

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned from the England national team post a quick discussion in a toilet cubicle with FA director David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat against Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the legendary venue. According to Davies' personal account, FA Confidential, he had entered the sodden beleaguered England dressing room immediately after the match, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams “fired up”, both players begging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a distant gaze, and Davies discovered him collapsed – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – within the changing area's edge, saying quietly: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Collaring Keegan, Davies tried desperately to save the circumstance.

“What place could we identify for confidential discussion?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Just a single choice remained. The restroom stalls. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past took place in the vintage restrooms of an arena marked for removal. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I secured the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

And so, Keegan resigned, subsequently confessing he considered his tenure as national coach “empty”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's an extremely challenging position.” English football has come a long way during the last 25 years. For better or worse, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers have long disappeared, although a German now works in the dugout where Keegan once perched. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year's international tournament: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Current Reports

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for women's football cup news concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We stood there in a lengthy line, clad merely in our briefs. We were the continent's finest referees, elite athletes, role models, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with strong principles … however all remained silent. We scarcely made eye contact, our gazes flickered a bit nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina examined us thoroughly with an ice-cold gaze. Silent and observant” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures officials were once put through by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“How important is a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem called ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to oversee the primary team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and provided some branded items, I've opted to write and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the school playground with kids he anticipated would defeat him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|